Hate List

It's been said before that if you can think of it, in some manner it has already been done, or occurred. This comes from the philosophy that there is nothing completely new. All we are is a constantly shifting amalgam of everything we have experienced, mentally and physically in our lives... so according to that, everything I have ever said - is! What could be more scary? So, I thought for now I would take the easy way out. Instead of writing something that takes time, patience, and creativity, all of which are in short supply these days, I would follow the favorite format of ineffectual misanthropists, of which category, I do not belong... because I hate them. Therefore, I present: The list!!Da da Daaaaa! The not so thorough, but completely libelous list of annoyances in no particular order:

1) People who make lists of their annoyances - Holy Fuck - do these idiots have any imagination? I can picture these perpetually nasally characters sitting on a stack of porn eating fucking cheese doodles making the keyboard all sticky and yellow, blaming the world for their zits and small penises. The world is not to blame, it was god who has stricken you with the plague of undesirability. It was around the time leprosy stopped being funny that he wised up and realized that it would be infinitely more funny to, instead of have it just fall off which is good for one laugh, make it small and misshapen. It's the hallmark of any good joke; longevity. What a funny guy.

2) Tyra Banks - With so many more fitting people out there to allow into our homes to molest our brains with beams of light(your TV you fucking dipshit), we allow a class 'A' stripper to do it. I don't go to a skin bar to talk politics, or to a Macy's for someone to caress my scrotum while I cough, so why would I allow a hot female idiot to touch my brain? You can extrapolate so much that is wrong with this country from the simple fact that she has her own show that doesn't involve lubricant.

3) Anti-cigarette commercials are the biggest waste of money. Not only do they neglect to mention that people find smoking cigarettes quite enjoyable, and not all consider themselves to be slaves of big tobacco companies, but they insinuate that we are all quite stupid and have yet to get the message. All that money they spend on telling people what they already know could be used to save lives elsewhere. I mean seriously, like cigar smokers are so fucking cool - right?

4) People who join hack circles with no shoes. If you suck with shoes on, how much better do you think you are without shoes?

5) People who go to the gym in flip-flops. I always pray that these people drop a big weight on their stupid, stinky feet and break every bone disabling them for a period no less than 6 months.

6) People with foot fetishes. Really? A fucking foot fetish? You are a step above fucking Asian boys.

7) Feet.

8) The number eight...

9) If I already mentioned Tyra Banks, I don't care. She deserves to be listed twice anyway. Watching that show is torture.

10) And finally, people who always end their numbered lists at ten. It's not a coincidence that they have ten fingers in which to reference. Eventually when our species slides back into the water, and all we have are flippers, you can count on the fact that all lists will only go to two.... and there will be lots of spelling errors.

11) Flippers.