TV SNATCHER

So they say this is hell.. and up until this very evening I would not have agreed, but on this night something terrible has happened: I was fucking robbed.
It began like any other day a typical North American might detest. A day when you feel like a piece of trash. Your talents ignored, same boring dwelling, same boring dogs that you thought were super interesting at one point, that's why you bought them in the first place, but then you realize they smell just like the others when you pour water on them. So there you are at the age of thirty wondering where all those aspirations went, but more so, wondering why the fuck the refrigerator continues to make that damn buzzing sound, as if it were making ice, every time a good part of "The Office" comes on. It doesn't matter that they are re-runs you've seen a hundred times on Netflix, damn it. It's all you have left... "Holy Shit, Jim, you are so fucking funny. Dwight totally hates being ripped on about "Battle Star Galactica", and black bears... Ha Ha, soooo true. If only my life could be as interesting as those who work in an office setting in Scranton, Pennsylvania." But that's not even the sad part. My refrigerator doesn't make the fucking ice, I DO! Ice maker- HA! I'm ten dollars away from having to throw my ketchup away.
So there I am staring at the stand my TV and Playstation use to occupy... screaming. "Why! Why oh Why has this happened to me. I'm white damn you!! This is fucking Horse Shit!" As I was dialing 911, I received a text from Janetta, the female who robbed me, and who also happens to share my ketchup, saying, "Hey, do you like what I've done with the place?" It was then that I realized I, probably drunk, told Janetta a while back that I was much more creative, and intelligent when I didn't have TV or video games because I was forced to immerse myself in projects, or read books. Well, that crazy chick actually took me seriously and took all my beautiful, mind-rotting entertainment away leaving me with nothing but my stupid thoughts.

But, to be serious for a moment, I would like to expound upon the aforementioned era in my life when I purposefully purged myself of all the simulacrum pumped into our ultra-malleable minds by contemporary media outlets, i.e. - radio, TV, popular magazines, and the like. I was living in Minneapolis, MN at the time, and I was terribly depressed. A depression that just doesn't seem to have a source. There was no reason for this depression given my confidence with the ladies, my prowess in music, and my ultra huge... book collection. My location was great, my job was great, I always had money even though I lived in downtown Minneapolis.

Sounds pretty fucking cool, right? So why the fuck was I depressed? As mentioned earlier, my job was fucking awesome, and by that I mean that I was in charge of my team, they where all cool people, and I could do what most bosses do; surf the Internet. Well, in my studies I happened across an article that completely blew my mind. It was a scientific study done on the dangers of allowing others to control your reality, especially when these people have an agenda that your well-being does not at all fit into. What I learned is that there is nothing worse for an economy based on consumerism than happiness. If you are happy you need nothing, but if they can manufacture insecurity, and general discontentment, than they can also manufacture the cure.

Given the ultra-likely probability that most of you have the attention span of a gnat, this is probably what the last paragraph looked like to you:

#$#$# pretty fucking cool@$#^$#$%$# fuck$^&$$%^depressed#%^$#%^$# surf the internet$^&%$#$^$ blew my mind $&$#%^ dangers #%&$#$^& guns sex$^&&$#%#@ food@$^## happiness ;) cure yay!

TV DID THIS TO YOU! So, to be serious yet again, I will continue the Minneapolis experiment. Janetta did a good thing taking those fucking mind-rot devices out of the equation, because the very last thing in this world I would ever want is to end up like you. :) Just kidding, I don't use 'emoticons'.