Fun in the sun dial

As part of my surprise birthday gift my girlfriend brought me to this incredible private cottage in Warfordsburg, PA (if you are reading this from Warfardsburg, let me apologize about the atrocious spelling. It’s really not that I think you are unimportant; it’s just that I wasn’t really paying attention. I swear, if I was to just mail one letter from your fine town at your fine post office/bate shop I would remember the spelling forever. Be Strong Worfardsburg! You’ll be remembered!). We where situated on 53 acres, had a private lake stocked with fish, hot tub on the porch, and a fireplace in the living room. Those are just a few of the most memorable amenities this place had to offer. Lucky for you I am going to take the time out of my busy schedule to share the most surreal moments with you so that you can live vicariously through me. You’re welcome in advance.

Here we go - Day 1:
We arrived at our very secluded destination, and after unpacking the Grande Marnier we proceeded to get drunk in the hot tub which was outside on the porch. We where discussing how strange it is to actually be alone - nobody around - shoot-bears-outside-your-bedroom-window alone!! To get more acquainted with the idea of alone we stripped our clothes off and went for a walk in the woods completely naked. At this point I completely lost it. I have an affinity for the outdoors, and when I got naked in the woods with the animals the savage in me kicked into high gear.

Janetta got tired of me and went inside to watch me from the window. Although it was dark out, she said that I was so incredibly white that she could see me just fine. I probably looked like a ghost darting back and forth between trees, and I’m sure the banshee screams I was letting out - my war cries - weren’t helping. Only after chopping down a tree with a dull rock in order to build a shelter did she say, "HEY!! WHITEY!! - GET THE FUCK IN HERE!" So ends day one.

Day 2 was filled with so many learning experiences. For example: Did you know that it is, not only possible, but preferred, by many indigenous peoples to tell time with the penis (like a sun dial)? There are way too many reasons to sort out on why this method is by far the best in so many aspects; therefore, I will spare you the boring details. Just know that accuracy is not necessarily among them - Tiny Tim might be late for dinner while Beefy Bob is early - Average Al will have a hot meal. I also learned how to swim.

Day 3: Janetta discovers me down by the lake (still naked, thankfully, not as white) eating raw fish and salamanders mumbling something about my precious - whatever that means - and decides that enough is enough. It was about 12 on the penis clock (actually about 11am), and it was time for me to become ’civilized again’. I didn’t mind, I had enough - raw fish sucks, and I was filthy. Besides, Janetta is the most fun out of any wild animal I know.
We had a blast!!