Getting old Sucks

I remember last year around this time I completely forgot how old I was... I couldn’t remember if I was 26 or 27. I decided to be 27 only after reviewing my license. So sad to be getting old so fast watching everyone around you ’grow up’ - as they often say. As if it where a positive thing. Succumbing to old age is no good time, and I wouldn’t recommend it. Unfortunately, for you mere mortals, you have no choice. Here is a list of things to help you feel young:

Pull a prank - Everyone likes a good prank, and the measure of cruelty often correlates to the level of ’youngness’ you will feel. For example, the old saran wrap on the toilet seat will earn you a modest 5 (scale of 1-10, 1 being a younger score), as where peeing in your neighbors shampoo bottle when you're invited over for a barbeque, the one still in the shower and being used, preferably the color safe one, will earn you a 2.

Break something and pass blame - This one works best if you have children for obvious reasons. There’s little that can surpass the joyous feeling one gets when they do something they know they shouldn’t and totally get away with it while someone else pays for it. Be extremely careful not to get greedy with this one - there is a very fine line between feeling young and complete negligence. You are, after all, an adult.

Skip Work - For the novelty of it, steal some whiskey from your parents and some pot from your kids and go get real fucking high in a precarious place. That place being outside your work complex behind a bush or a shed; something that will offer minuscule protection. If you don’t have parents, steal from someone else’s, perhaps the in-laws. When the day is over and your sorry ass co-workers get in their SUV’s and drive off, you will know you accomplished something. That little bit of feeling you have left tingling in your legs and arms is not a heart attack but ’youngness’. And if it is a heart attack, you should have known better than to take the advice from a random blog you found on the goddamn internet.

Hang out at the playground on your lunch break - ....Although this one will have you feeling young, there are many people who might object to this. Mostly parents and cops. Apparently they don’t want you to feel young. That is why this activity will earn you a 1.
S
o then, there it is. You have your options, and there are many more. Just use that shriveled up imagination of yours. And if at any time you believe yourself neglecting your kids for the sake of adding additional years to your childhood, just remember, kids are resilient. Just look at Michael Jackson - that guy is rich!